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The place they call my home is
(sadly) beautiful.
It’s got new gas stations, rearranged department stores
and parking lots sewing up the pockets of my past.

The city I grew up in is hardly
the city I grew up in.
It’s been gentrified, besides
I did most of the growing up when
I left
than I did in all the years spent surviving the city my Ma
just-so-happened to have her mail delivered to the day I was born.

But what is a home?
Some say “Home is where the heart is”
                                        But what if…
What if that heart is departed
and the remains of its carcass drag behind like crimson red kites 
fallen from the sky?

…I can’t change my mind about this place
it’s an asylum for the ego-impaired
…I can’t change my mind about this place
it’s a playground for door-to-door religion
…I can’t change my mind about this place
I’d rather invite myself over for tea
and impose my opinion:

Every time I’m with you
                     I hate myself

Every time I’m with you
                     I miss my smiles

I can avoid you but I can’t escape you.

And here I am
       lurking
              around
my home sweet hole in the wall.
Is it my turn to succumb to sucking thumbs or yours?

Our words are artillery weapons without aim.
Our fists are bruised from attempts to keep quiet.
               But look how hard it is to keep quiet when the
silence begets VIOLENCE
and the walls bark back at us begging for exile!

The place they call my home is
hardly a home, I can’t even take a shit
without tripping over my toes
and crack-
              ing a few eggshells.
Fuck fear, it’s fact.

Britta B.

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6 Comments

  1. “…the remains of its carcass drag behind like crimson red kites fallen from the sky”
    m
    u p
    The imagery in that line is striking. It’s a day dream you want to wake up from. Goose b s!

    • I like the way you put it, “a daydream you want to wake up from…” So true! Thanks for commenting (:

  2. I love your honesty girl. Your talent is so powerful and beautiful. I’ve been meaning to tell you that I referenced a couple of your poems in an essay I wrote recently on the importance of female narrative in representing multiple feminist realities. Hope you don’t mind :), let me know if you want me to send it to you. Keep shining lady.

    • That sounds amazing! I’d love a copy… thanks for sharing the message of how powerful we ladies truly are!

  3. Beautiful. I hope you are performing soon!

    • fingers crossed for NYC soon!


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