I opened my eyes to the buzzing of my
mobile phone and saw a call coming in with
a name “Unknown”
I let it ring.
Told myself it was more important to sleep.
But in the nick of time, I answered the call
thinking maybe somebody was in some
desperate need to tell me
how much they’ve been loving me
and they had to borrow a stranger’s phone.
(It’s kind of embarrassing to look back and accept the fact
that that was the only reason I answered the phone.)
-Yeah, do you know who this?
No, sorry. Your number…
-Yeah, well it’s *****’s girlfriend, what’s going on between the both of you? I see texts here back and forth, calls made early in the morn. And what’s my man doing calling you “babe” and “baby baby”? Don’t you know how hard it’s been for me to be with him lately?
Uhh… I honestly thought that was the way he talked to everyone. I’m sorry you’re upset and I understand where you’re coming from but can’t you see there’s no reason for you to be so sad? I never gave him reason to say those things, I never said them back.
-I don’t want you to ever talk to him again.
If that’s what you want, I’m fine with that.
-Ok, well I gotta go. Bye.
Click. Just like that.
Not even a chance to wish her better days,
for all of those fallen tears to dry away
or to help get her mind off of all the assumptions she made.
But I understand.
Sometimes we get more caught up in trying to control
the people we love rather than
researching ourselves to figure out
why we’re insecure enough to provide reasonable doubt.
If I could say one last thing, I’d scream,
Babygirl, stop doubting yourself!
If only you concentrate your time on how to make ‘em stay
what will you think of yourself when they try to walk away?
I’m just saying, you’ll do all the dirty work just to try
to protect your man but
go searching through trash cans and I bet you’ll find trash.
Maybe you should take a look at your family tree
and see who’s been a part of your past,
forgive yourself for whatever didn’t go as planned
and accept the fact that you are lovable
despite your mistakes and flaws.
Learn to love yourself down to the bruises on your heart.
You deserve it.