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I used to be so lonely and lonesome
I used to get confused
in the fuse box of my emotions;
I’d blow a fuse
each time I was confused by the profuse amount of
that would click like a switch between the cracks
of sidewalk-splitting moments
Click. Click. Click.
I used to feel so lonely
but now I recognize the liberty of being
by myself
I can identify the blueprint of me
without nobody’s help
Sometimes, I still have doubts
but I know I never want to be defined by anybody else
ever again

I used to unbutton daydreams in the middle of the night
Aloof to moonlight crossing the intersection of my eyes, I’d trace
fantasies of who I’d rather be
One morning, sunshine broke into my house and
robbed me of my insecurities
I figure it’d be a waste of time filing a police report
‘cause being a pessimist just wasn’t for me
Besides, greatness occurs despite the sceptics
They say, “Nothing lasts forever” but we’ve got elastics for hearts
Even after bombs explode, time still tick-tick-tocks
Whoever said the road less travelled is the unbeaten path must have lied ’cause ooh, I’ve been beaten bad
Yes, I’ve been beaten bad into the girl I wanted to be

Sittin’ on public transit reaping the benefits of
conversational therapy with close friends
I sound like the girl I wanted to be

Fingernails and ambitions painted red –targets for compliments
I look like the girl I wanted to be

Stilettos strut across my smiles
clack-clack, clack-clack
I feel like the girl I wanted to be

I try to high-five every kid that
crosses paths with me, hoping to connect to
the ones who have separation anxiety attacks
every time a person leaves the room –I’ve felt the feeling
And still, I became the girl I wanted to be

My voice has spoken in at least
five different languages and I’ve said the most significant things
just by being aware of my actions
I am the girl I’ve chosen to be

Last night, my body moved like a slow motion replay of Billie Holiday
little Miss “Lady Sings the Blues” in the swing of some hips
The sweet residue of love’s morning dew slips from my lips
I am the girl she wanted to be

I have given more than I have taken and
because of that I have received
I am the girl everybody should try to be

My definition of vulnerability is when beauty
confronts the beast; lying twisted between the sheets
of nostalgia, dangling from a ceiling half-aware of the dented
mattress at the bottom of the drop
hanging onto that one last knot
in the pit of your stomach
and letting go
There ain’t nobody like
the girl I got to know…

And now this girl gets to grow into the woman I want her to be, and she will be

Britta B.

One Comment

    • Stephanie Ambroise
    • Posted September 7, 2012 at 11:03 am
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    This must have taken so much and given so much back to you simultaneously, I love this piece, it’s inspiring to me. Keep doing what you do!

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