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It’s like an open casket ceremony every time we speak.

                                                Staring at the deceased
                                                Convincing myself you’re beautiful
                                                Knowing what we had no longer exists

but trying to shake it back to life with wishes and prayers.

Britta B.

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4 Comments

  1. A very strong simile – good imagery. Don’t take this as a criticism, but whenever I see a simile used in poetry I wonder whether even more power could be lent to the poem by making it a straight metaphor. That’s just a wee thing of mine – no need to pay attention to me, this is your baby and it’s excellent as it stands. 🙂

    M
    __________
    Marie Marshall
    writer/poet/editor
    Scotland
    http://mairibheag.com
    http://kvennarad.wordpress.com

    • Thank you for your words. I agree, I think about the same things too… I always question myself.

      The thing about this piece, is, I let it marinate. After I wrote it, I stencilled the poem (including the structure/shape you see here) out onto my bedroom wall and looked at it everyday for the past two months.. maybe longer. Tonight, it was ready to be shared and this is exactly how I wrote it 3-4 months ago.
      Sometimes, we can get the heart and gut to expose themselves at once, at the same time, no flinches. This piece, is perhaps… ‘flinching’ for it’s life.

  2. Man, I hear this. I’ve definitely been here… shoot, I’m still here. I love the length exactly as it is, I love the quick opening into your feelings, and then the snapping shut. Almost like the lid of the casket. Almost like the opening of your prayers, wishing there was something more, and then choosing to shut them when you realize there’s nothing more there. I think it fits perfectly with what the theme is, and it works with mood and in a sort of concrete way. The imagery works without to many words because the length helps convey the image as well. I’ll stop rambling now.

    You, you are talented.

    • You are so sweet. Thank you for your words and criticism!


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